WHAT’S THE POINT?

Sometimes I think relationships are such a hoax. Big fat hoaxes which start with a fairytale illusion that at some point in this twisted life, we will get the one our hearts desire; our prince charming or lady love! Lies I say, lies that we have been fed since childhood in cartoons, movies, soap operas you name it. The boy gets the hot girl and the girl gets the man of her dreams. It doesn’t always (if ever) happen this way, and yet we keep the dream alive.Irony!

Girls dream and fantasize over their desired prince, hoping that this knight in armour will come in all his splendour, and swoop them off their feet…  Be the hunky stud who will be the rock and haven in their lives, the love of their lives who will shower them with tender loving care ; treat them well as if they were the most precious and important thing to him and possibly live a happily ever after.

Boys dream as well. That at the end of it all they will get the woman of their dreams. Attractive both on the inside and outside (but more of the outside-I stand to be corrected), loving , caring, soft, gentle, dainty, someone who can be a home maker and can walk with them through the ups and downs of their lives and so on.

Growing up, brimming with all this expectations the girl and boy await breathlessly for when they can actualize their relationship dreams and fantasies. Some start young, others a bit older. It starts with the honey moon phase where everyone is all lovey-dovey and starry-eyed; attraction is the name of the game.  If one is lucky they will stay in this happy place for at least a month.

As fast as it starts, all the butterflies, flittering-floating feelings of love, so does it fade, and fast. The dredging reality that all is not well sinks in and sucks the life out of the relationship. The bed of roses suddenly has thorns.  What they thought were star qualities suddenly become the most appalling qualities. Soon, it becomes a story of “You’ve changed, you’re not the person I said yes to,” or “I’m bored, I’m not happy I want out” then the ultimate shift in direction. Those who are in want out and woe to those who are out because they desperately want to get in. Problem is they don’t know what lies in store for them.

The cycle goes on for a large number, especially those who start young: a case of kissing too many frogs for one’s lifetime while a few fortunate souls find the one who was made for them and continue to their ‘Happily ever after’. Worse still are those who get into marriages that start out all blissfully and eventually turn out to be depressing, daunting, draining, unsatisfactory and irreversible, especially where children are involved. So at the end of the day I ask myself this one question, what’s the point?

By Miriam S N Mathenge

*Disclaimer: I do believe in true love and relationships working out for the best. I just question some of them at times.

LONG TIME

Sup people. This out to all my (faithful) readers. I am sorry for not writing as frequently as I should be and for leaving you hanging. I've been experiencing a bit of a block and also been re-thinking strategies for my writing. So far I believe I have reached somewhere in terms of a decision;and I am torn between starting another blog, renaming this blog or keeping this one running and having another one running concurrently Anyway, I will let you know on the decision I arrive at.

Quick update on what happened since the last read-well, I ended up doing the assignment and it was a hassle. Learnt a lot from it though-writing is a continuous process of editing,editing and more editing before landing at a perfect story. It can be frustrating but nothing good comes easy. Oh, and for that class, I ended up doing a writing assignment as the exam:quite a challenge, but I did it. Waiting for the results and hoping for the best.

 Life has been quite a journey for these past few months. There was a time I felt so lonely, like I had no one to turn to and it was devastating. The worst bit was when life's stresses finally got to me: I broke and of course, as we all do at 'that' point in time, remembered that I had someone who had been there all the while-GOD. I turned to him and began to get my life in check and set it straight (in accordance to his terms). I won't lie that there were no difficulties, but those are what produce the greatest TESTimonies.

During this time of getting my relationship with God back to where it should have been, I happened to read two books in the Bible that I felt, resonated with where I was in life. The books of Jonah and Ruth.

Ruth, a story of a faithful and loyal woman who remained true to her promise till the end. She sacrificed returning to her family to stay with her mother in law vowing that only death should separate them, absolutely radical. Choosing to adapt and live with strangers, accept their ways and their God for the rest of her life?Makes me think, what if we had such loyalty to God? So, this lady eventually gets blessed for her virtuous act and we see how God always has a plan for his people. Ruth gets married to Boaz (a relative from her husband's side who takes care of her) and she becomes part of Christ's lineage (She was the mother to Obed who was the father of Jesse who was the father of King David) and  aliens/ Gentiles (we who are not Israelites) are shown that God had and has a plan for us, one of salvation and a lasting relationship with him.

As for Jonah, here is the summary. A man of God(Jonah) refused to do what God told Him to do and even ran away from Him.God told him to declare destruction on Nineveh but he refused because he knew that God would eventually change His mind, show compassion and not destroy them. To understand where Jonah was coming from, these people Israel's worst enemies and were very brutal. God eventually gets to Jonah (the whole fish swallowing him up-you cannot run away from God) who then repents and goes and does what God had instructed him to do. Just as he had predicted, God went 'mellow' and forgave the people so Jonah got angry and left the city of Nineveh to watch from a far what would happen to it.

Now, the bit that really did it for me-chapter four. Here Jonah, a person who was God's servant showed how ridiculously real we can get with God. (Please read it :-) ) First he complains pulling a 'I told you so'- he knew that God would still forgive the people. He states God's character showing that he had an intimate relationship with Him. He not only served Him but he knew Him to the point he knew who He was. A loving, merciful God who is always patient, kind and always read to change His mind and not punish. This is what annoyed Jonah. He then threw a tantrum saying he'd rather have died than be alive. Who does this in this day and age calls out to God telling Him  they would rather be dead than alive? And what if He just goes ahead and kills you? And he did this more than once!In my opinion, that is a true show of being real with God, almost a little too real and even daring.

Back to Jonah, he calls out God and to me it is as if he is hoping his tantrum will cause God to act in his favour but God instead tolerates it. Here I see a God who is so loving in that, instead of punishing Jonah or giving him what he asked for, reasons with him and gives him the final verdict- If Jonah can pity a plant, how much more pity should he have on the city-there were more than 120,000 innocent children as well as animals! God even cared for the animals, so who am I (not to be cared for by the Almighty!

So that's what's-up. Have yourselves a lovely week and I will do my best to write more frequently.

Till the next time: Theng'e Signing Out!

ALL OUT

Today has been a strange day but good day. Strange in that, in our busy city of Nairobi people have forgotten how to walk on the streets!!!It was a really frustrating experience considering the fact that I was in a hurry (I'm sure we can all know how it feels). First I bumped into a lot who were just sauntering around town, crab walking and blocking the way. Then met another category who were walking in groups and filling the whole road-I mean, where are we supposed to walk?!NKT! As if that was not enough the last category was most annoying: those who were moving like they knew where they were going then suddenly realized that they going nowhere!! As in ReallY?!!I felt like knocking them and putting up a new law for pedestrians-how to walk on pathways and knowing where you are going. In fact I even felt like going all out on writing a book on street etiquette and the importance of knowing where YOU are going.

Good in that it ended up nicely.Finished a project on time. Okay, sort of. I finished but when I was about to print it out a lecturer came into the room demanding people get out of the class and he switched of the printer. :-( Eventually persuaded him to let me print it and I handed it on time-yay! Met up with a buddy of mine and caught up as we downed 'smokie pasua' ( best darn smokies this side of the Sahara) and had a good walk-out. That was nice and eventually had a big beautiful ice cream cone with mother dearest. Lovely.


On the downside, I have an assignment due Saturday :-( I'm supposed to write a story not less than 1500 words-sadly I've not got the burst or inspiration I was hoping for. For the piece we need to study, do research and for me,that's taking out the fun out of writing feel. Additionally, I feel tired&burn out. I know I have to do it, but it's hard. I've been psyching myself up the whole night but nothing doing. I thought that by the time I was done writing this I'd feel pumped but clearly that has not happened. Bummer!I'm giving myself 10 more min, if nothing changes I'll just go to bed and get started tomorrow. Risky, I know-you don't have to repeat it.


Today's piece had no definite direction, it was just a pull out of different experiences.Hope you enjoyed the read.

Till the next time,
Theng'e: Signing Out!

WORLD IN NEED OF LOVE-JESUS LOVE!

Sup people!Hope you had an awesome day and week. I've had a pretty tough one with a few ups and downs.I feel absolutely drained!!!...but it's all good.On to the story of the day, enjoy and feel free to comment:

 Today, I went shopping with a good friend of mine and on the way saw a lady squatting on the road. Yeah, sounds like a casual incidence but there was more to it than revealed. Let me try re-describe the scenario. On the roadside was a woman squatting; huddled in some way. She had partly covered her face with an dirty old headscarf as if to cover something that was meant to stay hidden. If one looked close enough they would see that she had a serious eye wound because on it, she had a bloodied eye patch. She was clothed in an old dress that seemed to have seen a few to many days for its lifetime, but I guessed that was all she had. 

At first glance, I thought that she was one of those beggars; waiting and timing people on the road so as to ask for 'a little' something. However, I quickly dismissed it because I felt that there was something strange and almost scary about her. Then again, I thought she was one of those women who pose as troubled people and attack when helped, but I wasn't sure. My guards were high and I got a bit apprehensive, actually that's an understatement: a lot apprehensive.

"What if she's a thug and has accomplices nearby? What if she is the thug? Avoid! Avoid! Don't even make eye contact!" I told myself quietly as we got closer.

As we got closer I noticed that she did not look normal. I don't mean ghost-like or  like a freak of nature, no. She looked sick physically, perhaps even mentally. It was as if she had been through so much suffering that words could not begin describe her story. 

There was a demeanor about her that could not go unnoticed. She had an air of strength, defiance, rebellion, some sort of roughness probably acquired from what she had experienced in her life. Yet at the same time some level of fear and introvert tendencies. Being the person I am, seeing the indication of such a bad wound left me feeling queasy and coupled my fears. I hate seeing blood or evidence of a really bad wound, and that one there seemed to be one ghastly one. 

I started to cross the road to the other side, doing my best not to look at her and my oh my didn't I get the fright of my life when she rose to her feet. She started approaching us as if coming to either ask as for something but I walked as fast as I could gesturing that she shouldn't come towards us and that we couldn't help her; may be some other time.  

It sounds mean but you can't blame me for that. I was scared off my socks and was not sure what to expect. With the current state of affairs in our country, the number one rule is to trust no one, especially not strangers because it can land you in trouble. No matter how sweet, innocent or troubled one looks- walk away because it can be a trap to endanger you. With this in mind you can empathize with my school of thought.

As soon as we had crossed I breathed a breath of relief, perhaps even one of "Thank God, we're safe!".  I began chatting with my friend and apologized for having seemed mean. She casually said it was okay but later explained that according to her, the woman was not coming to beg. Instead she was shooing us away; from the look of things may be what she had was contagious so she was warning us to stay away.  Her speculation was that the lady might have had leprosy or something along those lines.

On hearing that I felt a pang of guilt. "How could I be so unfeeling?" I asked myself. The saddest thing about the whole ordeal was that even if we wanted to help after that how could we? We asked ourselves if there were any hospitals or medical offices nearby that we could call and direct their personnel to her but there were none. The question that began to gnaw at the back of my head was "What if it was me or my family member? How would I feel?"

We then began to discuss the need to show such people love. My friend had been talking about how people who are really sick need care, affection and affirmation. The reasoning behind this is that they can be made to feel like outcasts because of situations that are beyond their control such as their bodies giving up and becoming prone to diseases that no man can heal but only God can heal.

 Come to think of it now, I'm led to think of the lady in the Bible (Mark 5:24-34) who bled for 12 years. If the lady we saw was anything to go by then that lady really suffered. She was an outcast because of her illness and no one understood. She sought treatment, with the hope of being healed but all was in vain. She was all alone, in her pit of problems, that was until she heard about Jesus. She heard that the healer was nearby and she dared to believe. A belief so great it was almost silly-if we try to reason logically. Her reasoning was if she just touched the hem, not the whole cloak, not Jesus, but if she touched ONLY the HEM of HIS garment then she WOULD BE HEALED. And so it was, her faith made her well. One encounter with Jesus, followed by the confession that it was she who touched him and her explanation as to why, not only saw her set free but totally and fully healed. 

So what am I saying at the end of it all? Despite the hardened society and the degree of depravity of morals let not our hearts be hardened. May God open our eyes that we may be able to discern those that are in need from the deceitful who are out to endanger others. Let us not forget to be mindful and help where we can; in action through prayer-in whichever way. It is a tough call, I know-with the current times, why bother? 'There is no good in this world' we say, but we need to be the good, the light on the lamp stand, the salt of the earth. For you never know, one day it might be you or someone you love...What if everyone ignored you or them? How would you feel?

Till the next time,
Theng'e: Signing out!

OUT OF ORDER!

If anyone has been in Kenya, then you know for a fact that our transport system is something out of this world: and by transport I mean the public service vehicles, especially matatus. (For those who do not know, matatus are the Nissan 14-seater p.s.v  vans and also include a smaller version of Isuzu buses.) Ridiculous if not ridonkulous you ask me-yes, it even makes me come up with  new vocabulary to try and describe it. This one time I got on one and had quite an experience that I even wrote about it on my phone. Enjoy the read:

Matatu's are like deviant little children on sugar highs, who are absolutely out of  order. For some funny reason they think and act as if they own the world and their word/ actions is law. Today I got in one at  Madaraka in bid to get to town soonest but lo! What lay ahead was a twist of the unexpected.

My dad had been so sweet; dropped me half way (T-mall)  and I quickly walked to the stage thinking that it had  all been a miracle because I was there by 3.30pm or so. My agenda was to run to hospital quickly get some tests done, dash to River Road to buy some materials and make it just on time for class. I stood waiting for a while at the stage before finally getting in one Rongai matatu. (I have to emphasize this because they among the most notorious p.s.v's.). I was elated when we approached the Uhuru Highway roundabout and thought that the rest of the jam would clear soon. However, after approaching the roundabout the driver went and joined the road to Industrial Area. To me, this was totally off route- I was going to town, what were we doing in Industrial Area?

I started trying to console myself that it was okay, everything would be alright. It was just a short cut and that we would eventually get to town. After a while I began to doubt it because first I had no clue where we were. Secondly the next thing I saw was South C/B(I still get confused about this areas to date) matatus and that we were near the Oilibya near Bellevue. That did not make sense.

 "May be we'll get out on the Mombasa Road highway? But that doesn't make sense, it's like going backwards!" I told myself. I finally asked the conductor who re-assured me that the endpoint would be town. Phew! Breath of relief!

Now that I was sure that we were headed to town I became a bit more relaxed. Funny thing though, despite the fact that the driver was trying to avoid jam, he put us in 'thicker' jam. It was massive. Wait until all the matatus decided to break all the traffic rules. It was as if they were all waiting for a sign from the sky to announce that they could all go berserk. All matatus got off the roads and drove on pathways causing havoc for pedestrians and raising a lot of dust. The roads at this point looked as if circus animals had been let loose and were running wild on rampage. I was silently praying that the vehicle I was in would not follow suit but that did not happen. All those that had dozed off were abruptly woken up and were now clinging to the seats in front of them for dear life. It was kind of funny, but the not-so-funny joke was that after all that we did not really  get anywhere. The driver's effort to steer clear of looming traffic ended us in worse jam; had he stuck to the original route, we would have probably already reached town.

After a whole lot of waiting, cars started moving and by the look of things we had somehow wound up at Jogoo Road. Too funny( half laughing, more of disbelief) How now? A Rongai van ending up in Jogoo when the target was town? That's like going East and ending West or South. It felt like one of those moments you feel like slapping the driver for being too adventurous at the cost of delaying you.

We soon ended up in Muthurwa Market and I began thinking of the bus that I had seen pass by while I was with my dad. Had I got into it I would have been in town an hour ago and finished my errands plus headed to class. Wishful thinking.

"Breathe, Relax. It's all good, we are now in town," I told myself but what the driver did was totally out of order! I scurried off the matatu and made a dash for it but what was evident was that I would be late for my class. As Mojo-Jojo would say- 'Curses'!!!....(you driver!!Nktutho)


Till the next time,
Theng'e: Signing Out!

THE LAST TRUMPET?

Yesterday I got the scare of my life. I've never seen life to be as vivid or short as then. I had been crafting a few necklaces and bracelets, trying to make some 'mulla'. The way our economy is, life is hard: so I best try to achieve financial independence as soon as possible but only through the right means. Back to the story, I had probably worked until around 1.30-2.00am or so, and I was tired. As I was having my 'snuck' (what do you call midnight supper?snuck=from supper/snack may be?) I remember hearing the dogs barking wildly. At first I ignored until I heard a long loud sound overhead. "What could it be," I wondered?

It sounded like an airplane at first but it lasted too long to be an airplane. It then sounded like a really loud buzz, somewhat like a call, a horn or trumpet of some sort that went on  and on. At this point I began to get nervous, may be it was the sound of the last trumpet. Had the world come to an end?

Previously I had been reading the book of Revelation-all about end times and it spoke of signs of the end. I remember something about a trumpet going off worldwide where everyone would hear and soon God would come and take His people. I don't remember what the order was: trumpet, people disappearing happening at the same time or separately,or God coming before, after or as all this happens.I don't know. One thing was definitely certain, I was terribly freaked out because according to my calculation of events, the end might indeed have come. SCREAM!  My biggest fear was the possibility of being left behind.Was I ready for this?

Sure, it sounds funny now but then it was not. I felt so confused, scared and sad. Confused because how was I going to escape this looming danger (of being left behind)? It was one of those moments you honestly know you need to pray & very hard for that matter but you feel that you can't. It's either your tongue-tied or feel too wrong to pray or so entangled that nothing comes out. Scared because I knew that if the world had really come to an end then I was finished, damned for that matter The grace period would be over and the only way out of the earth would be death. A gruesome death. :-(. Of course I did not want that. I hate any level of pain so definitely not the most ideal of situations. Sad, because I  had perhaps been left behind and been doomed to die a terrible death . Sadder still that there was a possibility that there was no remedy for this. That if it really was the end then my prayers, pleas for forgiveness were hopeless: hell and the burning lake of sulfur was a reality I may endear.

I tried praying but all that came out was," Lord, I'm sorry for all my sins. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Do not leave me behind. Please don't let me get left behind. I can't handle it. I know you're not supposed to listen to me at this point but please, please don't let me get left behind. I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I probably went on half praying, half wondering if that was what was really going on. I thought of calling some of my close more spiritual friends and find out whether they were gone, so to speak, or if they were still around. I didn't have enough airtime to do so, so that one went down the drain. I then thought of checking if my mum and sis (but mostly mum) were still there but I could not-at least not my mum.  How? Was I going to bang on my parents door at 2.00am going to 3am, and say, "Hi, thought the world was ending so just checking if you're still around." Definitely not. I did however check to see if my sis was still there and found her in deep slumber. I breathed a sigh of relief but was still a but unsure. I decided I would know the truth in the morning.

By the time I was getting to bed I had a change of perspective in life. I saw the need to have an active relationship and constant conversation with God, and not saving my prayers for bedtime. Saving my prayers for bedtime whereas I have the whole day to pray, confess, repent, give thanksgiving seemed to ring a loud no-no.The moment is now: when I blunder I confess and ask for forgiveness at that exact moment. No waiting because it may be too late.

Yesterday went and today came-technically though it was all today. I woke up today, and found everything intact. The world was still up and running and boy, wasn't I glad. Honestly, the whole experience opened my eyes to the reality and truth that no-one knows when the world may end therefore we best be prepared for the unexpected. So, are you prepared for the sounding of the trumpet?

Till next time: Theng'e signing out!

In this Century, Good People Still Exist

There is nothing as bad as losing an item. Be it big small, there is always some level of attachment and it hurts when the item is lost or stolen. The situation gets worse when it is a mobile phone. Out of all the things we own, this by far seems to be our most prized possessions. It is something we have all day and night round, almost forms part of our beings so to speak. In fact it can be regarded as 'part of the family'. That being said, you can imagine the emotions my mother experienced when she discovered her phone was missing.

At first we were all casual thinking it was in the car or, in her bag or the room and started calling it so as to find it. The first tell-tale signs that all was not well when we could  not find it. We all got frantic looking for it: in the car, in her bag, in the shopping, in the garage, we had to find it. We checked, rechecked around the house, called the phone severally but to no avail. At one point it was as if someone was disconnecting it so we feared for the worst. We called the phone repeatedly, my aunt even sent a text message telling whoever had the phone and wanted to return it should contact her. Of course there was a subtle call to do the right thing by telling the individual that if he or she did not return it, they were at God's mercy and they would be dealt with appropriately. The choice was theirs.


My mother looked disturbed but at the same time, oh so calm. I did not understand it. On the inside I was so angry and could not understand why this was happening. In the past my mother had lost most her phones to hapless thugs and it was indeed frustrating. Now she finally had a phone she loved and was conversant with and now it disappeared? Not cool! As I was checking around I whispered a prayer; one of those prayers you should not really pray but I prayed it anyway. I guess it was frustration.

"God, what is this? Why is this happening? Does this mean that mum will lose all her phones? And the way she was happy with it?! Lord, please help us find it. May whoever has stolen it get so sick and convicted that they return it. If they try to sell it may it no one offer to buy it. May you convict the person until the only thing the individual can do is to return the phone."  A bit harsh I know but I was sick of all the this thuggery. Thoughts of how pickpockets get into our public vehicles and rob us blind ran through my mind. At that point I understood the anger and drive of those who dish out mob justice. I was just dugusted, yet something within me told me to take this positively and try learn from the whole experience.

 "Really? There is nothing positive about this," I thought and quickly shelved that idea.

I went back into the house,we called Safaricom Customer Care as my mother tried retracing her steps. That phone had to be found at all costs. My aunties suggested we go back to the shopping mall where she had last been and check for it there. They spoke with such conviction and belief that the phone was there and cracked a few light jokes on how one of the shop attendants probably had it but was confused about what to do with it.

My mother and my aunties dashed to the shopping mall and headed straight to the specific shop attendant my mother had dealt it. Meanwhile, as they went ahead I checked out with the guards at the parking lot and the mall to see if they had seen it. The guards were so nice and offered to help. Bless their souls. Just as the guards were about to check with one other guards, I saw my mother and aunts walking towards me smiling: thumbs up. They had found it. :-)! Truly God was faithful.

Apparently the shop attendant had seen it but was unsure about what to do with it. She saw the numerous calls and was unsure about receiving the calls, or replying the messages. Therefore, she decided to hold on to the phone and when the owner came by she would return it, and she did. We thanked God and thought of what a miracle and a blessing it was to have found it. As we left the shop, my faith was somewhat restored in the people of this century. Amidst all the bad and ugly there still runs some good in people.

Got the Guts?

It's amazing what people will put on internet, from tardy to downright disgusting. Ranging from pictures to videos to sounds-ah!It is so annoying. Recently I bumped into one of these and my oh my was I grossed out. The intention of this particular was good but it didn't help the fact that it was utterly disgusting!

Twas an informative piece warning women to wash their inner wears before wearing them. Gnarly. I thought I had the stomach to see it but boy wasn't I wrong. ( To see what I'm talking about check out http://jawbreaker88.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/wash-before-wearing. Be warned if you are not strong do not look at the pictures) So, my friend opened the site and we began to read the text. Actually it was me who opened the site-I was feeling all 'super hero'; nothing could get to me...but this. We read and of course there was a warning on the content; and after psyching each other up we looked. What followed next was a sight I knew I would never forget, and not in a nice way. Utterly disturbing (psychologically and mentally) pictures. SCREAM!!!!AAAAHH!!

I closed my eyes upon seeing the first picture and began regretting why I ever went to that site. I tried to forget it and block it but to no avail. My friend was also grossed out but she was stronger than me. Needless to say she laughed at me and thanked God that she could easily block out what she didn't want to remember.The image just kept playing and playing in my head like a broken record, on and on, 'Somebody make it stop!' As Mojo Jojo from the Power Puff Girls would say, 'Curses!!!!!'. ...for having such an imaginative mind. Next time you hear someone say 'Curiosity killed the cat,' listen lest you end up as the dead cat. In this situation, I was the 'sleek cat' that plummeted into the raging waters...and died. I acted all 'super hero' thinking that looking at the pics would not disturb me but I'm  paying for it now.

Lesson learnt: Don't you ever test the power of the mind. If you know you cannot handle something, do not bother with it. Leave it alone. Flee and flee fast because the mind can be impossible. It never, never forgets and you don't want to end up traumatised- wishing there was a way you could wash your brain and rid yourself of all the nasty things you've seen/ heard.

Till the next time: Theng'e signing out!

LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

I don't know what it is with sin and man. It is like a bad love-hate relationship that exists worldwide.Sin is so ugly, so rotten yet we love what it brings (the offers) but at the same time hate the result of indulging. I don't understand it at all. Quite strange, if you ask me. It's like a magnet of some sort that attracts us yet in reality we are supposed to be repulsed if not repelled by it.How can something so bad look or feel so good? The reality is that it's so good, but only for a moment before guilt, regret, anxiety and torment kick in.  This reminds me of the first sin-story and I can't help but running back to my Bible in Genesis to check for when it came into existence: how it all started.

Devil deceives Eve through the snake, she uses peer pressure on  Adam and the result is a broken relationship between God. Worse still a new relationship rears it's ugly head on all humanity: a relationship with sin. This tragic shift of events causes a strain on man,; on one hand he has to a maintain a relationship with God while on the other side the Devil keeps trying to destroy it by making man cheat/ skunk on God. I still ask myself why God didn't just cut off sin as a whole. Create a system whereby man could exist in a loving relationship eternally( with Him) without the possibility of ever being drawn away. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Then again, who am I to question the great ways of the Almighty? Since when did the creation tell the Creator what to do? I guess that is where the difference between angels and man comes in. Angels were created to serve, love and glorify God-without choice, it's in their system while man was created to serve, love and glorify God- with choice. That is where the trick comes in.

Being given the gift of choice comes with  heavy responsibility. Where ordinarily we are drawn to flesh desires we need to make conscious decisions to do what is right. Not just because it right but because it what God wants. If it is what God wants and commands us to do as a show of love then it ought to be our devotion-to please God and steer clear from sin. It sounds easy in theory but in reality it is a struggle all people go through.

I hate the feeling after that comes immediately after sinning. It just drives the point home- the Devil is a liar. Let me try set  the scenario of how sin takes place. First of all sin will tend to creep in when you are idle. Doesn't the Bible say that an idle mind is the Devil's workshop? There you go. So you are doing nothing then a thought comes to mind. It may start as something totally harmless; tiny and then it soon builds up to something bigger than expected. The minds is an amazing thing. It can create anything it wants to or is allowed-there no restrictions, that is until we place them.  We toy around with the ideas about the 'big thought' soon start picturing the so called benefits of indulging. The 'big thought' will arouse all our senses and emotions: and convince us that indulging in 'the act' will bring satisfaction beyond comprehension. Then our conscience has a go at us. He begins to present the reality: dangers of indulging in 'the act' and the aftermath on the negative if not real side. We are so caught up on the good that we refuse the wise counsel of our conscience and begin shut him up. "Keep quiet. I know what I am doing. Besides, I will feel good, why wait? The effects are not really that bad-the good surpasses it. Just hush up and let me be," we say. The truth is that we know what we are about to do is bad, we simply try to downplay the gravity of it all. No sooner than we know we take the dive into the act; dive and plunge deep into sin.

 Almost immediately after soaring high and feeling good, realization sinks in (deep). We have sinned. The voice that was encouraging you to indulge in the act comes back but this time he is hitting us one blow after another. It hurts, it hurts so bad we feel like killing ourselves. "You are so stupid. Useless. Hopeless. You can't be helped. You keep messing up. You think God will forgive you let alone save you? Ha!Funny! How many times do you think He can forgive you?Even He gets tired and moreover disgusted. That's right, you are disgusting and you will always be disgusting. Failure-you can't do anything right. Waste of flesh! And you are supposed to be a leader/ example for others!So much for righteousness."  Such things continue to run through our heads and it keeps getting worse. We regret ever indulging but we can't turn back the time. We want to tell somebody but feel afraid to; because if we do we may be judged, scorned or hated: that would only cause more trauma to our already difficult situation. We also want to pray but it's so hard. We just stabbed God right in the heart. What re-assurance do we have that He will listen to us let alone forgive us?  We feel depressed, trapped and heavy laden. We know we have to pray but we're already so down. Where do we start? How? It's difficult.

 Well, I am here to encourage you. In the Bible, 1John 1:8 , it says, "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us". We are all sinners. In Romans 3:23-24 it says, " ...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Not one, not two but all have sinned therefore nobody is perfect except for Christ..(Note, I am not saying this to justify us such that from now on we think it is okay to sin. It is not.) The only person who can save us, redeem us is Jesus Christ. He alone can save us;cleanse us and forgive us. It is not by our might or our strength but indeed by His grace, amazing grace (and the immense love He has for us). That,we need to remember. 1John 1:9 says," ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." So let us go before our Father, our God and talk to him for indeed we are guaranteed that He will listen to us. We need not worry over who to confess to for He is right there.

In summing it all up, I will leave us with Psalm 51.  Be encouraged!

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1Have mercy on me, O God,

according to your unfailing love;

according to your great compassion

blot out my transgressions.

2Wash away all my iniquity

and cleanse me from my sin.

3For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is always before me.

4Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you are proved right when you speak

and justified when you judge.

5Surely I was sinful at birth,

sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6Surely you desire truth in the inner parts^a;

you teach^b me wisdom in the inmost place.

7Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9Hide your face from my sins

and blot out all my iniquity.

10Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11Do not cast me from your presence

or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12Restore to me the joy of your salvation

and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13Then I will teach transgressors your ways,

and sinners will turn back to you.

14Save me from bloodguilt, O God,

the God who saves me,

and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15O Lord, open my lips,

and my mouth will declare your praise.

16You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17The sacrifices of God are^c a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart,

O God, you will not despise.

18In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;

build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19Then there will be righteous sacrifices,

whole burnt offerings to delight you;

then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Till the next time: Theng'e signing out!

Reference:

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV®
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica.

For Those Special People In Our Lives

Tuesday 17^th January 2012. A good good day it was. I spent the day with friends and enjoyed myself thoroughly. I texted-something I do not do, played a cool spelling game and even went shopping for a bag. I also played so PS game; some military game that was so much fun. Yay!

Today’s piece is dedicated to those people we consider special and worth calling friends.  ‘Show me your friends and I will show you who (what) you are.’  Friendship is quite an intriguing thing, there is nothing like it. It is a highly involving relationship through which one’s character and personality is shaped (or so I believe). Moreover, it so complex for it touches on emotions to a huge extent. The tricky bit about this dynamic relationship is keeping it alive and making it work while ensuring that all parties feel loved, cared for and important.

 The other day a friend of mind called me up and caught me off guard. Whereas I had been expecting a warm greeting and a few nice short exchanges he got straight to business. He told me off for going silent on him and questioned me on our friendship: if there were any grave contentious issues or whether all was well and asked for an explanation as to why I had gone quiet. He sounded hurt and angry and I did not understand why, why so much emotion. 

His main outcry was that his long standing friend went quiet on him. This was a major grievance for over the past period of time we were used to communicating frequently and keeping tabs on each other. For me to suddenly go quiet (consistently) without reason or warning was absurd: strange to him.  There had to be a reason as to why his good friend went quiet without warning. On top of that he said he felt that it was as if he was making all the effort in keeping our friendship going and he was not sure what was happening. I took some time to think about all he said and tried looking at it through his eyes and understood it somewhat.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped putting effort into my friendships. I focused purely on those who I found important and those who reciprocated the friendship. Soon after I lost interest in making and keeping friendships alive and decided that those who considered me as a priority would treat me as such so I would not bother. Please do not mistake me for being a meanie or a 'don't-care'. Not at all: that was not the case. What it was was that I was tired; physically, emotionally and pocket-wise of investing in friendships. I had simply reached the point of giving up and carrying on with life: with or without my friends.

 For so long, I put so much into all my friendships. I would always go the extra mile, call just to know how my friends were doing or to share moments. In return what did I get? Diddly-squat. Nothing. People got used to me calling and never bothered to hola (back), in fact they used me. At least that is how I felt. I felt taken for granted and got tired, frustrated and went on a ‘strike’ of my own.

 For quite a while I may have put some of my friends on a shelf tucked away for later; that is communication wise. Some of them deserved it while others did not but it happened anyway. Back to my friend, I listened keenly and re-assured him that all was well. The difference in communication patterns was due to difference in stages of life- sometimes people need space; and also the money factor.  After our little talk it got me thinking about my other friends-good friends, true friends and wondered if they felt the same. I got challenged, decided to contact some friends randomly and check on them and see what the results would be.

Boy wasn’t I happy when most of them replied! I was not expecting that outcome; I simply hoped they would respond positively. Many felt touched and appreciated the show of concern. In fact, I ended up chatting with one old friend throughout the day and spend the rest of the day with three other awesome pals. The whole experience was refreshing, eye opening and brought a smile to my face. It also made me revise my stance on going quiet on people. From now on I would work on maintaining and keeping alive my friendships=at least those that mattered to me. That is to mean that I would make those who took me as a priority in their lives, as priority in mine.

 So what did I learn from all this? One, do not take anyone for granted. It hurts both ways. Two, be careful not to get so caught up that you do not have time for your friends. This could easily result in losing a dear friend or injuring a friendship due to silly reasons. Three, take time to appreciate those special people in your life. It won’t break your bones and who knows, you may also benefit one way or another from it i.e. a better or happier or closer friendship.  Last but not least, friends are important-man is not an island that he can survive on his own.

 So, to all those good people being awesome and true friends: and who never get to hear this- you are greatly appreciated. Know you are important and someone thanks God for you (You are a blessing!).

Till the next time: Theng’e signing out!

My Day With Me

Well, it is late into the night, in fact it has gone into morning. Honestly,I didn't feel like writing anything today (rather felt like writing but had no drive) but my devotion to consistency made me write. Today has been an okay day. Church was really good. The service leader/ m.c. did a great job which really challenged me. I'm supposed to service lead next week and I'm still getting the hang of it. Now that the bar has been  raised and quite high. Still in the process of  figuring out what angle to take so that it will be interesting, informative and inspirational if not challenging.

 

Dawamu High School made my day. Those kids have too much swag. Watching them dance and show off their moves was exciting and it was fun to dance along; at least try imitating their awesome moves. Of course I cannot forget the accapella group- 'Ladies and Gentlemen'!!!! Too awesome!People can really sing.

The whole experience was one of those that takes you back and makes you feel as if you were part of an awesome movie.

After church got to hang out with some pals. It has been so long since I did that! It was refreshing. Seeing old faces of people I consider dear was really special and brought back a lot of memories of 'back in the day'. :-) This is when there would be so many plans and hanging out was such a thrill.Times spent with friends was full of joy and laughter, silly things we would do and food( this was the main attraction. It didn't matter if your broke or not somehow everyone would be sorted out. Miracles do happen. ;-) ). Simply 'wow' moments. 

Spent the rest of the day with a close friend of mine, catching up and strolling in the late afternoon sun. It was lovely. The sun was just right; not too hot. The scenery was also magnificent; tall green trees planted neatly one after the other. The wind blew softly as if teasing the branches and beckoning them to dance.

All in all it was a lovely day.

Till the next time: Theng'e signing out!

HOLD YOUR MOUTH AND YOUR POCKET!

Everyone knows how hard it is to watch a ‘How to Cook’ programme. If you are like my friends and I, the problem is not that the program is boring, no; but that the food is way out there and we are way out here.  It is so cruel! How do these chef’s make such delicious food, miles away and we do not even get to taste it?! We can only see it and imagine how it smells and tastes. Worse still, the million dollar question, who gets to eat all that food? Where does it go after the show; especially if it is one of those shows that do not have a live audience? All that good food, going to waste? It is a pity you cannot eat with your eyes, otherwise…I need not say more.

This scenario has presented a real issue many a times; of course for my friends and me. This is where a food programme pops up on you and causes you to get into a high craving resulting in heavy dipping into your pocket to satisfy your stomach. The other day in school, while taking a break, my pals and I were watching television. What do you know, a food programme came on and since there was nothing better to view we decided to watch it. ‘Why not, what is so bad about watching how to cook? It will definitely make me a super cook and master chef of some sort.’ I thought. What a fib!

They were doing a documentary on how to make some chocolaty confectionery of some sort. I was not paying attention. It all started with a display of the ingredients and then the explanation of how to combine ingredients. I kid you not, when they got into demonstrating how to mix the ingredients, that was the beginning of our downfall.  The mixture looked so smooth reminding me of black forest, whipped cream and even milkshake! (It's a wonder what the mind can do.) It did not take long for my cravings to kick in and in high gear, if I may add. I suddenly wanted a big slice of black forest cake and a vanilla milkshake. Either or both would be fine for me and I soon echoed my desires. In little or no time, peer pressure set in. My friends were all on board: we were all in agreement. In the next hour or so (we had to wait for a friend who had heard of the plan and decided to crash in) we were so going to have a cake: a black forest cake. Note that this was irrespective of whether we had enough money or not, or whether we were breaking into accounts we were not supposed to touch. Somehow things would sort themselves out and we would get to indulge.

After eating to our hearts delight and enjoying the rich creamy treat then did the groans begin. 

‘Hey, that spending has injured my pocket. No more random plans, ’ one of my pals echoed as she checked her purse.

Yet another friend said, ‘Guys, just seeing food can do this to us? Next time we better find a cheaper way to indulge,’

It sounds funny now when you think about it. At that time, however, it was not. We had just done a spree of spending just because of seeing food. Nowadays, when I’m with friends, if any of us puts on a program that has to do with food, the instant reaction are shouts and wails to change the programme as someone quickly reaches for the remote. This is to avoid triggering cravings that will cause rumbling stomachs and dented pockets. It is like eyes-to-hand-to-pocket-to-mouth syndrome. What we see we want and now; at whatever cost even if it is unplanned for.

In as much as they say money is the root of all evil I am beginning to see a new trend. Food and money=the new roots of evil.  As soon as we see food or someone eating or even the mere mention of it, we are quick to join the club and get to eating.

A good example is when you think of having a snack but decide not to because honestly, you are not hungry. Temptation sets in when you see someone eating. It could be the snack you wanted or something remotely different from what you wanted. Whichever it is, you are quick to go get a snack. At whatever cost you must have it, at least some of it. Later after eating you regret spending that money or even if you did not spend money, you regret eating. Who needs the extra calories?

Most of us fall prey to this chain reaction whereby we gorge ourselves silly at the mere sight of food. As long as one person is doing it, ‘It’s all good-we will cost share’. Call it peer pressure, a weakness- a great big weakness; whatever you may, it is not right. The worst thing is that we are always creating excuses so as to turn a blind eye to this bad habit.

In short, my dear friend, what I am telling you to do is hold your mouth and pocket lest you over indulge and end up broke and obese.


Till the next time: Theng'e signing out!

RE-RESOLUTIONS...AHEM!

Earlier when the year began I was so excited. I felt like there was a whole lot of world to see and conquer; so many new experiences just waiting to be experienced. This was the year that I was going to break even on my resolutions, goals-call them whatever you may. This would be the year I achieve most if not all of them. Halfway down the first month that feeling quickly left me and was replaced by feelings of tension, irritation and a hint of 'I give up!'

Honestly, I had planned to do lots-action not just words, seriously. For starters I wanted to get my blog up and running consistently-that is the key word. Earlier last year I started the blog but I had nothing to show for it. I also wanted to re-jumpstart my ornament making business (at least keep it going bi-monthly). This for me would be a source of income on the side. In addition I wanted to get back to my guitar lessons and fully master that instrument then I could finally make music on my own (and without ANY restrictions.) More importantly, I wanted to grow spiritually and build my relationship with God (make it stronger). I hoped to achieve this through putting more time into Bible reading and prayer time. Sound nice, doesn’t it?

The truth of the story is that aside from the blog I haven’t started on any of my resolutions. It gets worse when I remember that I still have more goals to achieve. The blog alone is a hassle. Sometimes I do not have pieces to write or cannot access my blog and it is frustrating. The ornament business simply remains as an ambition. I don’t feel psyched or motivated to even touch a bead. Worst still are the latter two. My guitar gets out of my bag once in a while but I get bored rather quickly because I just want to get into the music making process and cut this long route to it. As for my spiritual growth I need strength and grace. I still pray when I wake up and before I sleep but that was not my goal. I wanted to be waking up early (around 6a.m. or so) and get on with Bible reading and prayer then and work on elongating the time I spend with God but laziness and flesh gets the better of me. I wake up late and spend time on other things then realize too late that the day is long gone and find that I am too tired to read the Bible. All this frustrates me and makes me wonder if I will get far in achieving my goals.

Someone may say, ‘Ay, you are worrying too much-it’s only January,’ Granted, but if I don’t get a move on, the year will go by just as fast and I will be singing the same old song, ‘Oh I didn’t get anything done-WAIL!’ The good news is that I have not lost all hope yet but have realized the serious need to strategize. Sure, anyone can have goals and resolutions and they may be lovely. However, without strategy there is nothing-doing.

My plan for this week, at least the remaining bit is to strategize and SMART.  Specific, Measurable Achievable Reachable and Timely that is, within a time frame. In addition, I want to split my goals into minor and major goals and work out the objectives to achieving them one day at a time. There is still hope and a bright year ahead(minus 13days), let’s make the most of it.  On with it then!!

 Till the next time:Theng’e signing out!

SIBLING RIVALRY

One thing I do not understand is how God created man. We can be extremely good to one another other then the next minute we become horrible: utter little devils with horns so big they reach the skies. The balance between good and bad rarely reaches an equilibrium; the bad always wins (ok may be not always but most of the time). The Bible says, "For all are sinners," not some but all. Are we beginning to see where we get some of these tendencies?


Families are wonderful things, beautiful; in fact we can refer to them as a gift from God. However, I wonder how God decides which family one will belong to and who follows who in a family. Most if not all families go through cases of sibling rivalry at one time or another. It can range from the older sibling harassing the younger the sibling and trying to 'assert' their authority in the only way they know how. Then again it can be the younger sibling bullying the older sibling and trying to prove a point or rebel against authority and the list goes on.


Sibling rivalry is mostly in the form fights: either physical or verbal or both. This rivalry can ran through childhood until adulthood and still continue through adulthood. Those who suffer the most are the weaker siblings (the one being bullied) and the parents (they have to be impartial unbiased judges and they have to listen to all the squabbles). It may seem harmless at first or over the long run but the reality is that at the end of the day two things can happen. Either the siblings can decide to forgive and forget and live in peace or they can choose to hate each other and never speak (or relate) with one another. Sounds a bit too extreme?



It is very possible and sadly this is what is happening around us. The other day I witnessed a fight between two siblings (let us call them sibling A and sibling B) and I was taken aback. It started as fun and games and 'tit-for-tat' until it went haywire. Soon words began to fly (and not niceties, mean hurtful words.) They kept throwing words at each other and one of the siblings went on and on and to a point of getting personal and inappropriate. It now became spiteful: the aim was to break the other sibling emotionally and psychologically by picking at sensitive issues that were out their control. The words that were uttered by sibling A were quite hurtful and judging from the look of things sibling B took it personally. In a matter of seconds the relationship between these two individuals changed from loving to hate.


Inside I was screaming because I was watching the destruction of a family relationship. I hoped sibling A would get some sense and stop but he did not. Instead he went on and on like a spoilt recorder. Now everything was done and what remained were feelings of anger, vengeance and resentment.

After watching the whole scenario I vowed that I will write this piece for those going through such circumstances. I am not writing to cheer the victor of the fights, neither am I supporting the acts of the weaker sibling. All I am saying is this. As people belonging to one family let us accept our roles and where we fall. Let us all treat each other with respect-from the oldest to the youngest and let us try to understand each other. Understand that we are different and be willing to be the bigger person and walk away from fights or better still, apologize.

Sibling rivalry is almost inescapable.  Agreed, we however can try to ensure that in the process (after we have cooled down or right before we get into it) we are mindful of each other. No one chose which family to be born into or whether to be born first or last; we just found ourselves there.

 Family is a gift from God so let us treat each other as such: precious gifts from God without ‘I-do- not- like -it- so- please- return- to- sender’ tags.

It’s been real, people.  I would really like to hear your comments and views.  Feel free to post them.

Till the next time: Theng’e signing out.

New Year: New Things

Today is the 3rd of Janvier 2012.  Happy New Year to one and all. Congratulations on reaching thus far.They said that this would be the year that the world would end. I guess we will just have to wait and see, won' t we?

That said, 2011 came and went. There were big bangs: both good and bad, highs and lows that left us in one state or another and to that we say 'good bye'. Now, a new year has come and for some strange reason, I and many others feel very excited and optimistic about this year.

Unlike the past years, 2012 seems to hold a lot of promise and great things in store. Targets look achievable, opportunities seem to be endless and there is a sense of purpose in the wind. People are now chanting to themselves the famous President Obama's buyline,'Yes, I can'.  Indeed, We Can- achieve all we want to and why not? We just need to determine ourselves to do so and commit it to God to see us through. For me, this is what I will be telling myself this year round,

'Yes, this is the year that I (WILL) set out on my path. GET UP on MY OWN two feet (and with GOD), stretch out and reach for the stars....and grab them. No landing on the clouds or on rooftops for me. No compromise. At least, not this year. What I say I will do, I will do- God help me.'

Miriam Mathenge. 3/01/12



Early in the morning, the rising of the sun marks the dawning of a new day. With the it comes new hopes, dreams and desires. In this year,2012, as the new days dawn in our lives may we reach out for our aspirations and truly work towards achieving them for nothing is impossible:with God eveything is possible.

Till next time: Theng'e signing out!